Mommy 4-1-1

Mommies 4 Mommies: What We Wish We’d Known

Who Are We To Judge? Friday, September 5, 2008

Filed under: Single Mommas — Heather @ Desperately Seeking Sanity @ 6:41 pm
Tags: , , , , , ,

As a single mother, I often feel as if I’m being judged moreso than the average parent.

Are they really judging?  That’s a question that I can’t answer honestly, but it’s how I feel.

And since the recent announcement of McCain’s running mate, Sarah Palin, she’s being judged, too, but not for her being a single parent, but for having a career and a family.

As a single mother, I don’t have a choice.  I HAVE to have a career.  Child support will not support me.  And kids? I’m sure you’re aware.  They are expensive.

Palin has fallen under attack in just a week over her abilities as a mother and a politician.  Politics aside, let’s talk about her parenting.

Is she a bad mother because her teenage daughter is pregnant?

Is she a bad mother because she was back in the office just a few days after giving birth?

Is she a bad mother because she’s chosen to put her family in the spotlight?

What makes someone a bad mother?

Am I am bad mother because I chose to move my children to a city where they knew no one to further my career?

Am I a bad mother because I leave my children with a friend while I travel for business?

Am I a bad mother because I miss my son’s football games because I have to work?

Is she a bad mother?

Am I a bad mother?

Mrs. Fussypants said it best yesterday on Twitter when she stated, “Yep, I do like Palin. Do I agree with everything anyone does? No. I’m not OK with all MY mom choices. :)”

She’s DEAD ON.

We aren’t perfect parents.  None of us are.  Some of us like to appear to others as if we are, but deep down, we know.  We doubt.  We question.

Even Mary and Joseph lost Jesus.  Did you know that?  And if the parents of the Messiah lost their child, why do we think that we can be perfect parents?

It’s time to stop attacking her as a mother.  If you want to attack her views, her platform, her choices in political office, have at it.  That’s what’s supposed to be important in an election, not the way you raise your children.

As she stated in her nomination acceptance speech, her family is like all the other families in America.  They have their ups and their downs.  Just like you and me.

Let’s not forget that before she is the Governor of Alaska, before she is the Republican VP Nominee, she is a mother.  An imperfect mother, just like you and me.

Before passing judgement on her, ask yourself this question, If you were running for political office, what would the critics say about you?

Heather Jacobson is a single mom to Matthew, 11, and Samara, 9.  She’s wading through life in search of sanity in any form and blogs about it at Desperately Seeking Sanity.

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4 Responses to “Who Are We To Judge?”

  1. […] I've got a new post up at Mommy 411 with more thoughts on judgement of […]

  2. Gary Says:

    I’m not sure if I’m allowed to post here since I’m not a “mommy,” but I am a parent and this blog post hit home. I know I am an imperfect father and it really bothers me.

    I go into each day with my son with the best intentions of teaching him the lessons he will need in life, but then he’ll do something he knows he’s not supposed to do, or something to intentionally test the limits of my patience, and then I have to discipline him.

    I am not opposed to spanking, but I have not, nor do I plan to spank my son. Usually timeout will do the trick. But I do have to get stern with him and I hate doing that because I don’t like how he looks at me. As a loving parent, I never want my son to be mad at me, or fear me, or not want to spend time with me. I hope and pray that never happens.

    At the same time, you can’t let them get away with the things they try to get away with. Otherwise you end up with one of THOSE kids in public that you know just owns his/her parents. I refuse to be one of those parents.

    I know I’m not a perfect parent, but I’m doing the best I can, which is all any of us can do. Especially the single parents.

  3. Dana Says:

    Thanks so much for that insight, Gary!

    I have to agree with Gary and Heather that one of the most disheartening things parents face is unfair criticism.

    Hopefully, we’re all just trying our best…

  4. vinomom Says:

    I liked your post and your insight and no, I don’t think any of those things make you a bad mother. However, there are a few careers that I think have to come first even before family. President and Vice President, IMHO, are one of them. At that point you have to begin to think of the entire nation as “your family” and I just don’t think someone with a special needs infant is in a place to do that. You can view that as an attack on her motherhood, or you can see it as an attack on her qualifications, I’m not sure which. I’m not much for politics, but I do feel strongly about this particular aspect.

    Gary – it is tough to discipline, but you can’t be afraid of your child being angry or even fearing you. A little bit of anger or fear shows a healthy respect. I’m a single mom w/ a dead beat dad so I know what you mean – sometimes I feel it’s just the two of us, in it together. But I have to remind myself my daughter needs a parent, not a friend.


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